I Put the Pro in Procrastination.

If death was knowingly around the corner I would be kicking myself with frustration due to the extent I allowed procrastination to rule my everyday. Sadly, this is not a new thought. It's a habitual thought, much like going to the internet to waste time or snacking as a hobby or peeing because of over consumption of water. Quite frankly, I am getting to the point where I worry that procrastination will always be my mistress and my out of shape, underachieving, "jack of all trades-master of none" self will be the trophy venereal disease of our never ending love affair.

God, give me a constructive kick in the ass...

Love vs. Fear.

Fear exists in love, but fear does not create love. The same way that only when we open ourselves up do we risk being hurt and how damaged hearts pick and choose the who, what, where, when, why and how.

Fear is a condition of the unknown or the product of what we've been exposed to... A dictator that prioritizes selfishness, ignorance and self-righteousness.

Love is the hope, the outreach and the should-be focus. Love is it.

Cotton Candy Ice Cream.

The other day I saw a grown man play with his food in public. It was rather innovative. Using two miniature ice cream cones that came to a point at the bottom, he placed one on top of the other and bit the bottom cone's point off, then proceeded to suck out the ice cream as the top one wobbled back and forth slowly sinking into the other cone. I am unsure who found it more entertaining, himself or his daughters, but these two little blond girls were in hysterics as their dad displayed this dinner table faux pas. I couldn't help but hope he is like that all the time.

There are inescapable truths to growing up that as a child I swore would never happen to me. Memories of my first taste of coffee or beer remain vivid as a disgusting, undrinkable beverages, yet now they are beautiful cups of liquid heaven. Driving in the car without music was an odd showing of one's lack of coolness, yet now I can find a drive home after a long day of work quite peaceful. Growing up is inevitable; maturing on the other hand is often a conscience decision and one that is sometimes necessary. There must be a balance between the two. Often adults forget that.

Last night, a friend of mine got married at age twenty-one. He is this extremely energetic and happy guy, the sort that you don't need to look too deep to understand that he is just a legitimate and genuine nice person, and it's contagious. After dinner, as the speeches commenced, his father said something that stood out; he encouraged his son to forever remain child-like. Now I've been to my fair share of weddings and have often heard of parents roasting their son for his teenage hi jinx and how they are glad so-and-so was able to help him see the way, but to have a parent ask his son to consciously keep his child-like energy was awesomely rare. Often our ideas of what should be or how people should act jeopardize our abilities to enjoy what is or how people truly are.

I sometimes forget to laugh. Not all the time, but sometimes. I allow my mind to get so caught up in my own world that I don't allow human moments to break me out of this black abyss of thoughts. People who put themselves out there to be goofy or charming or child-like to get a reaction out of me will sometimes leave empty handed. In fact, sometimes I will discourage such behavior through a look or walking by and ignoring the individual or even telling them to stop it. Most of when this kind of altercation occurs is when I, myself, am in a sour mood and am determined to remain so.

I was serving this table where a boy was turning seven that day. All through his birthday dinner he was trying to make his mom laugh, and every time he would seek her attention she would shoo him away and tell him to stop. He was excited that that day happened to be his big day and she wouldn't reduce herself to remember what it was like to be seven.

Sometimes when I tell someone to stop, I really wish I would remember that five minutes later I wish I could have simply seized the moment: that chance to wrestle, that chance to laugh, that chance to make a moment with another human being be something more than a passing one. I hope that amidst the morning coffees and Rickard's Red with my pizzas I don't forget that a cotton candy ice cream cone has the power to cheer me up at the end of a bad day or that flatulence still makes me giggle.